This dating story is ripe full of red flags – red flags, which at the time, I was too stubborn, or maybe too naive, to notice. So sit back, relax, read on and prepare to cringe.
First, a side note. As you’re reading these dating stories, you may be thinking I’m just a jaded asshole. That’s totally not the case as I actually encountered a perfect date; one that ticks all the boxes. But I’ll write about that at a later time. This is my attempt at getting you to return to my blog.
On to The Credit Score.
I matched with, let’s call her C, on Tinder (I’ve met some real characters off Tinder and eventually opted to stop using it). The conversation, early on, was decent – and that’s being generous. C came across as blunt, abrasive, tactless – and just straight up kind of rude. Almost everything I don’t want in a person. Erroneously, I chose to ignore the lack of interesting conversation.
After chatting back and forth roughly for about four or five days, and already feeling like, “Why am I bothering wasting my time with this?” C decided to do one of the most unorthodox, obtrusive, invasive, downright crazy things I’ve ever encountered after meeting someone online.
C asked me for my credit score. Before we even went on a first date.
I was really, really shocked. Honestly, I had no idea how to respond. I communicated that she has no right to ask me that and asked her what she was thinking. Her response was something like, “If we’re going to get serious and maybe eventually get married, I want to know what bills I’ll be taking on.”
Whoa. Whoa. We haven’t even gone on a date yet and you’re planning our future! Red flag. But funny enough, I ignored this red flag and responded with, “When I’m comfortable enough with you, I’ll tell you.”
After a few more cringe-inducing conversations, we decided to finally meet. Honestly, I can’t even remember the first date, or even what we did. But I do remember that she brought up money, credit score, debts, salary… All on the first date. Red flag. I was so shocked that this was happening. I ended up sharing with her that what she was doing was uber uncool, and that it was bordering along the lines of – well, crazy.
C ended up saying she would stop and for maybe 1-2 weeks of talking and seeing each other, surely, C didn’t bring it up. But then C brought it up. Trying to know how much money I made, how much debt I had, what my credit score was. I eventually had enough and put the brakes on all of that, despite C’s attempts to sway me into thinking she would change.
The lesson here is that if you see any red flags early on, through conversation or on a first date, to zero in on that red flag and really reflect on it. Don’t discredit it and don’t throw it to the wayside- there’s a reason your brain is classifying it as a red flag. Science note, our brains process millions of things every second but we’re only conscious and aware of a few of those things. Gut feelings, or red flags, are our bodies reaction to things we, at the moment, cannot comprehend. So trust your gut!
The information C was asking from me is private. And the fact that C couldn’t see, or even understand that it was upsetting me, is a serious problem. Also, to begin planning a future with someone even before going on a first date with them is a maaaaaaaaajor no no. “Don’t count the change before it’s in your pocket.”
It’s also interesting to think why, at that time, was I okay with any of that? It could have been that I was going through a tough time or that I really wanted to give C the benefit of the doubt. Who knows.
It’s funny how our current selves judge our past selves.